I was once married to a man who claimed to love me, but then turned around and abused me and cheated on me. I was so codependent at the time (12+ years ago), so desperate for the love he promised that I endured years of abuse. It took a suicide attempt to make me realize that he was never going to give me the love I wanted and which he promised.
Three separations and one restraining order later, I managed to get on with my life. Since then, I have no tolerance for people who say one thing, then do another. I won't be a codependent spouse. Nor will I be a codependent constituent.
Like a lot of people in the LGBTQ community, I voted for Obama. I cried with tears of joy on election night and again during the inauguration. I thought, "At last, this nightmare is over. A new day has dawned."
But like many of you, I have been disappointed by Obama's failure to honor promises to the LGBTQ community. I have also been appalled by the Department of Justice's brief asking the Supreme Court not to review the case challenging the Defense of Marriage Act. And then there was Obama's little stunt where he offered minor (but not full) benefits for domestic partners of federal employees. No health or retirement benefits.
Obama was not my first choice for Democratic nominee. I wanted Dennis Kucinich. He had the courage of his convictions and was in favor of marriage equality. He also distinguished himself in a number of other votes, including his opposition to the war in Iraq.
But when it came down to Sen. Obama vs. Sen. Clinton, I chose Obama. I remembered all too well what happened when Sen. Clinton's husband was president. President Clinton courted the LGBTQ vote and then turned around and slapped us with Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act. I was determined not to let that happen.
And yet it has. The DOJ brief defending DOMA brought flashbacks of the 1990s (when I was transitioning from male to female) and with it a lot of angry, hot tears. He has stood idly by as one queer soldier after another is tossed out of the service for the "heinous crime" of being gay.
Some of my friends have encouraged me to be patient, claiming our turn is coming. They point to things he's said. To which I respond, "I see his lips moving, but all I hear is 'Blah, blah, blah.'" I hear a lot of promises and inspiring speeches, but what little action I see is counter to what he promised.
If the only action I'm seeing is a legal brief comparing my relationship to a man marrying his underage niece, then F*CK OBAMA and the horse (or donkey) he rode in on. I don't tow the party line, primarily because I'm an independent.
If Obama thinks we don't need equal rights and equal protection, then maybe he and his buddies in the DNC don't need our cash. The till is now closed. If he gets over his sick love-hate relationship with the religious right (whom he seems to be courting, but who couldn't give a whit about Obama), then maybe that will change. But at this point, he has zero credibility.
He can make all the grandiose speeches he wants. He can declare July to be National Transgender Month for all I care. It means nothing. It helps no one. We don't need any more talk from him. We need action. And not token gestures like his memo for federal employees. We need action that makes a difference. He promised us change we can believe in. I've seen no change. Don't expect me to believe. I am codependent no more.
I was watching CBS Sunday Morning and was surprised to see that host Charles Osgood (pictured left) was sporting a rainbow bow tie (not pictured). While I am certainly no paragon of fashion sense (more like the poster girl for "what not to wear"), it wasn't exactly the snazziest looking tie. It seemed to be an attempt to make a statement.
